I walked across the street, just about to cross the road when something bumped into me. Pretty hard, because I fell on the ground. I can only remember a light voice saying something, but what? I don’t remember.
After that I only remember running people who screamed orders, and the color white.
After about two weeks, they told me that later, I woke up and opened my eyes. There was no one and I yelled: hello? No one answered and after a few tries I panicked and started to scream, afraid that they had forgotten me or that I was dead or something.
Luckily someone came to me and hugged me. I didn’t know her but her embrace felt kind of familiar. It confused me and like she had felt my confusion she let go of me and looked at me. “Do you remember who I am?”, she asked. Slowly I shook my head, it hurt  her because she got tears in her eyes. After that more people came and told me she was my mother.

About six months later
I feel normal again and I’m not confused anymore because now I know who my family is and my friends are, again. I’ve also made a few more friends, one of them is a pretty handsome boy. By the way, I’m not in love with him, he’s just pretty. And who am I to deny that?

After some more months
I feel really stressed. I think I’m starting to feel something for my friend. Well actually I know it for sure. But he once told me that he was getting nuts of all those girls who said they were in love with him. And that he liked about me that I wasn’t in love with him! Oh god, what do I have to do?! I don’t want to tell him that I’m in love with him, but every time I come near him I feel really weird, nervous or something. Some day he’ll notice it. Oh damned love. I hate it! It always comes just when you don’t want it to!

After two weeks
He noticed it! I was nervous again and he asked me what was wrong. I looked at him and I think he could just read the answer in my eyes. I’m afraid for what he’s going to say or do. I just wish I never fell in love with him. Oh wait, the phone is ringing, I have to get it.
----------
Oh my, it was him! And I just can’t believe that I agreed to meet him at our usual break-bench.

The next evening
I’m a little nervous, in just 30 minutes I have to be at our usual break-bench. I’m scared for what he’s going to say.

After more then a year
So sorry it took so long to update my journal! I’m just so busy with studying.
Remember that ‘date’ I had? Well it turned out that he liked me more than just as a friend. Today we are together for almost a year. I never had such a long relationship with someone.


After two years of writing how happy she was
Today I graduated! Now I can call myself a “Biologist”.

After a week
More good news! I found a good job and I’m moving into my boyfriends house! He asked me to and I agreed.

After about three months
I’m completely settled now. I live, together with my boyfriend, in his house, I have a good job. What else can a human want?!

Two months later
I’m really confused again. It feels like just after the accident when I woke up. I can’t remember a lot of things. I think it’s because last week we ‘made love’ for the first time, and it felt kind of familiar. How’s that possible?! We have never done it before, but still it feels familiar. What happened in my past?

After a week
I decided to investigate my past. I just want to know what happened. Perhaps than I’ll figure out how it’s possible that my boyfriend felt so familiar (in bed).

After 3 days
I asked for a couple of free days so I could go to my family. I’m leaving today.

Next day
Finally, back home. I missed it. But I’m not here to enjoy my free time but to investigate my past.

3 days later
I questioned almost my whole family, they all told me different stories. One step uncle even told I had been a hooker, and also slept with him! I hope his story isn’t true.

After two weeks
I think I’m in the right way of discovering what happened. Today I’m meeting a guy who, hopefully, can tell me what happened.

That evening
Oh my god, that’s all I can say right now. I just can’t believe it. I need to sit down for a moment. I think I’ll just go to sleep right now, maybe my head is a little bit clearer the next morning.

Next morning
Amazingly my head is clear again. I know that what the guy told me was true. Today I’m going back to my boyfriends house to confront him with what he did to me. Let’s see what his answer is on that!
The next day
I’m back at my boyfriends house. I still don’t have the courage to confront him with my past, but I said to myself that I have to do it, today!

That evening
I finally did it. He sat on a couch watching TV. I walked to him and said that we needed to talk. He put the television out and we talked. Well actually it was especially me who talked in the begin.
After that I said him what I discovered about my past. He was shocked, scared. He told me why he did it. He felt really bad about it.

Here’s the story:
One day I felt like going out. The other day I bought some new clothes, including a nice (and pretty sexy) dress. So I put the dress on and some shoes. I combed my hair, put on some make-up and decided I was ready to go. So I got in my car and drove to the new club in the centre of the city. They were playing some nice music so I danced a bit. After a while I wanted something to drink so I went to the bar. There I met a couple of guys. They were nice, so I talked with them for a little while. Before I finished my drink we went to the dance floor to dance together. After that I finished my drink and we continued dancing. But after a while I sat down because I felt a bit dizzy. I passed out and with about 5 guys they took me to a room at the back of the club. After that they all did ‘it’ with me. They actually raped me. My boyfriend said he didn’t want to do it, but they forced him. He was the last one and by the time he was almost done I started to wake up. The other boys run but my boyfriend said that he couldn’t bear to just leave me there so he drove me home, leaving me for the front door. The next day he wanted to see how I was doing, but I walked across the street and he accidentally drove into me with his bike. He called an ambulance, but left before they were there because he felt ashamed; first raped me and then drove into me.

The next morning
I have a huge headache and I can’t feel my body at all. I almost can’t write but I’m forcing myself to write everything down.
I can’t believe what happened, what he did to me! I don’t know if I can live with someone who raped me, and I told him that too. He understands it and said that perhaps it was better if we’d live apart for a while.
I think he’s right so tomorrow my dad’s going to pick me up en drive me back home, because I’m too weak and confused to get back home on my own.

After 2 days
It was an emotional meeting. I told them what really happened and my mum and sisters started to cry. They all hugged me and tried to comfort me.

2 months later
I feel complete again. I don’t like my past, but I’m glad I can remember everything again. Now it’s over I notice that my mind was always a bit clouded. But now the clouds are gone, finally. I even wrote my boyfriend yesterday. I hope I receive an answer soon.
2 days later
He sent me an answer! In the letter he writes that he still loves me and that he misses me, but that he’s relieved that I’m doing fine. I think that I soon return to his house.

One week later
I decided to go back and my boyfriend told me he could pick me up if I wanted him too. I thought it was sweet of him to make that offer so I said it was good. He can be here any minute now, I’m really looking forward to see him again. Oh he’s already here, I heard his car driving up the drive way.

The next day
I’m glad of being back with him. After such a long time being away from him I realize how much I actually love him. And every time our eyes meet I can see his love for me too. I never want to lose him again, that’s something I know for sure!